The Zone - Volume 119
Are there additional ways to try and settle conflicts?
We received several feedback emails about last week’s topic, Conflict Management, and a general theme was, can we get more information about ways to reach resolution? Yes, there are many ways possible to reach resolution and sometimes you need to keep trying until you can breakthrough the wall of denial and anger.
An important point to reflect on, when dealing with long-term conflict, is how conflicts can keep us connected. It may be a dysfunctional connection, however, it is a connection. To move beyond the emotional barriers, one might ask these questions: “What would life be like if we resolved these conflicts?” “What would I do with myself if this/these conflict(s) were resolved?” “What does holding on to this anger do for me?” The answers to these questions might open possible gateways to resolution and getting on with living a healthier life.
A key to developing better conflict resolution skills is to work on your ability to better understand the other individuals’ world and how they think about the situation. This does not mean that you are going to agree with them, however, it broadens your lens into better understanding how someone can think differently than you. Some additional thoughts on understanding:
Understanding is the gift that comes from listening.
It involves asking questions rather than having the answer.
It allows differences to fade and similarities to come forth.
Some additional thoughts on being a better conflict resolver.
Choose time and place carefully.
Change behaviors/not people.
Find something to agree on.
Use “I” language.
Figure out where you’re wrong regarding your part.
Be precise with concerns.
When someone attacks… agree. Don’t push back. You may find you have some common agreements.
Give yourself time.
Have more CONFLICTS. Make resolution a personal skill.
Find the “3rd” option.
Agree on the future-stick to the plan.
Resolving conflicts takes resolve and patience.
We can be held captive by unresolved conflicts.
Understanding comes from a place of security and confidence in oneself.
Four steps to managing your own pressure
Recognize pressure cues.
Go to center.
Expand and act on your awareness.
Things to Limit
Waiting for the issue to resolve itself.
Believing that you have nothing to gain or lose with an unresolved conflict.
That nothing bothers you about the conflict.
Quote of the Week
“It is more rewarding to resolve a conflict that to dissolve a relationship.”
~ Josh McDowell
Developing the skills needed for healthy conflict resolution, patience, insight, understanding and compassion can assist you in so many other ways. Enjoy the journey.
Image by Tyler on Unsplash
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The paraDocs are Dr. Francis L. Battisti, PhD, Psychotherapist, Distinguished Psychology Professor and former Executive V.P and Chief Academic Officer and Dr. Helen E. Battisti PhD, RDN, CDN, Chief Nutrition Officer, at SpNOD, Health Promotion Specialist, Research and Clinical Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and former Assistant Professor.
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